My first STD was from a foam party
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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