You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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