drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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