non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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