my sisters under your porch take her home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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