the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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