When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
