It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
