Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
