ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
