I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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