we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
