It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize