I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
