the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
