Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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