i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Houston, we have a squirter
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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