How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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