you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i'm inner monologue high
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
