I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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