I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
