He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
