im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
