he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
