Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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