Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
