Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
