I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
