He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
