I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize