You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
