at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
