I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
