let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
