the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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