i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
