I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
