I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize