but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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