Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
