I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
