This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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