have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
