Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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