he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
