I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
