I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
