There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
