I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
