is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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