remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
