just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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