i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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