Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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