plz talk dirty to me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
