a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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