Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hello my rib-scented angel!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize