Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize