Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
