That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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