she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize