i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
