Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize