She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
