nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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