It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
