Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
