you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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