I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have fence marks all over my body
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
