u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
